"Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical." Sophia Loren
How can we feel beautiful?
"It is not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and make your happiness a priority...it is necessary" Unknown
"Or do you not know that your body is the temple the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore, honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Self care is almost always the first thing that gets neglected in a women's busy life. We can all relate to many common distractions in our lives that keep us from doing the things that bring us joy or fulfillment. We justify it by saying "I have to take care of the kids, the house, my husband, my church activities, my job, and the list goes on and on. However, it is actually biblical to take care of our bodies because it is the temple of the Holy Spirit. In fact, when you take care yourself you are going to be a better wife and mom because of it!
Self care may look different for each woman. For some, it might be a regular massage, a manicure/pedicure (even if you do it yourself), plucking you're eyebrows, regular exercise, meditation, counseling, bubble baths, lunch with friends, or buying a new pair of panties! It doesn't always have to be something as big as a spa day or weekend getaway. Being pampered can look different for each woman.
When we take care of our bodies we feel sexier, which can often lead to more sex in our marriage! Before I lose you, please know that I am not at all saying that your marriage and sex life will be perfect just by simply working out or plucking your eyebrows! However, I do believe that it is a step in the right direction. Women need to feel good about their body and self-image in order to feel good in bed with their husband.
Every woman is unique! So whether you wear bows or baseball caps, camo or bling, high heels or tennis shoes, or love the color black vs pink, I truly believe that every woman has a strong desire to feel sexy and attractive! My passion with finding your true inner sexiness began with the realization that every woman I meet has this strong desire. However, not every woman knows how to embrace it!
Where it all began...
I have met many different women and talked with them regarding their marriage and sex life and they all say very similar things. Most say they often feel tired, unattractive, insecure, not sexy, and did I mention tired? You may ask how a conversation such as this begins in the first place? So here it is. Since I can remember, I have always matched my panties to my outfit. It wasn't until I was married and into my 20's that I realized that not all woman shared this same obsession. It was then that I began to wonder why I have always done this. I think it just started out of habit and turned into something that truly made me feel happy and sexy, too! Shopping for bras and underwear became somewhat therapeutic for me. It was an exceptionally successful shopping day if I found a pair of panties that were the perfect match to an outfit I already had at home...like hitting the jackpot! At times, I would share my excitement with family or friends. Most times, this was somewhat intriguing to others because they hadn't really ever thought about whether or not their underwear matched their outfit for the day. I began to realize that something as simple as matching my panties to my outfits had made me feel more sexy and confident. As a result, this confidence gave more of a desire to be intimate with my husband. There's just something about a new pair of panties that just makes a girl want to do the happy dance! So there it is...what started as a mild obsession of mine became an inspiration to me and hopefully to others who I share it with as well!
Now that you have your new sexy panties and are feeling fun and sassy, it's time to bring that sexy sassiness into the bedroom for your husband!
Unlike women, men are very visual. As women, our natural tendency is to have sex in the dark with the covers on so we don't have to see our bodies or allow our husbands to see them either. However, that is just the opposite of how men think. They want the side table lamp on and the covers pushed back so that they can see every one of those curves that we so often try to hide from them. Mentally, if we can push beyond this feeling of insecurity and remember our true identity in Christ, we can have amazing closeness with our husband and allow them to see us in all our natural beauty.
My encouragement and wish for all married women is that they understand that sex was designed by God for married couples to enjoy the pleasures that go along with intimacy. Of course, some women come into a marriage with deep scars from past experiences and insecurities which may cause serious road blocks in their marriage. If this is the case, I highly recommend marriage counseling for resolution and healing.
Just remember, all women enter into a marriage with some degree of insecurities. These insecurities are often what affect our self image and, in turn, affect intimacy in our marriage. Recognizing these insecurities and realizing how to overcome them is just the beginning of a beautiful sex life with our husband. Intimacy looks different in every marriage and there is not a one size fits all solution.
So now it's time to discover what excites both you and your husband and begin to learn some new and fun ways to "get your sexy on!"....
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13
Women need to feel loved. Often, the way a woman responds to her husband depends on how much love she feels from him. Christ's love for us is the ultimate love story of all time. "No greater love than this that He lay down his life for His friend". Feeling loved is not only a desire, but a need for women. "But what if I don't feel loved by my own husband?" Many women ask this question. My response to this would be "How is your relationship with the Lord?" Often times, women are looking solely to their spouse to find their security. Although our husbands do play a significant role in "completing us", they cannot and should not be responsible for who we are as a woman.
Before discussing what women can do to improve intimacy in their marriage, I feet it is imperative to be sure women feel love from their almighty creator first and foremost. "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10
In my opinion, all women struggle with insecurities of some kind. We believe that who we are as individuals is what we see when we look in the mirror. We see flaws and imperfections which society and magazines have led us to believe don't exist.
Christ's love is opposite of the world view of love. "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid". John 14:27. God sees us for who we are on the inside. He has created us in his own image, and He does not make mistakes. Therefore, every curve, birth mark, ripple, and blemish on our body was intentional and is God's beautiful creation.
Now, how does all of this tie into intimacy in our marriage? How does knowing Christ's love for us help us to love our husbands more intimately? It's simple, when you know who you are in Christ and where your true identity lies...you can love yourself and even your own body image too! When we love ourselves and feel confident with who we are then , as a result, we are more comfortable with being intimate with our husbands. Once we are able to grasp this concept, fun in intimacy can begin!